Interesting Literature: The Philosopher's Stone
by Yan Niao
Summary: A slightly overdone scenario, yet irresistible to try. While trying to get Sirius to stop reading classic Muggle romance novels, the Marauders stumble on something else: a suspicious looking book by someone named J.K. Rowling... ON HIATUS.
1. The Boy Who Lived

Hey, I can actually do it-- write a fic that doesn't have anything to do with Fushigi Yuugi Genbu Kaiden! (Stories Authored: 6. Number of Stories Related to GK: 6)

So I know these stories are fairly common, but I just couldn't help myself. I mean, come on, haven't you _ever_ wondered what the Marauders' reactions would be if they ever got ahold of Rowling's amazing series (three more days until it ends, by the way!!!) And I didn't want to write another story like this where it's semi-comedic but mainly everyone's trying to figure out what's going on and how to prevent it. So I had to write it my own way. Forgive me for doing a cliche storyline, but hey, cliches are fun!

Hope you enjoy! ;)

* * *

**Chapter One: The Boy Who Lived (Or, Just Read the Damn Book!)**

Sirius Black was bored.

Well, bored was a bit of an understatement when you take in the fact Sirius was reading _Pride and Prejudice_ by Jane Austen.

"Oh..."

"My..."

"GOD."

The other three Marauders could not believe their eyes. He was lying on James' bed, intent on his book. He hadn't moved for the last hour.

"Shoot me," James Potter said, staring, dumbfounded. "Please, Moony, shoot me. Padfoot is reading a _Muggle love classic._ This is like... this is like... I don't know what it's like, but it's scaring me!!"

Remus Lupin sadly shook his head. "I think our friend has finally cracked..."

Peter Pettigrew gnawed nervously on a hangnail.

"PADFOOT!" James yelled. "PUT THAT BOOK DOWN AND COME TO YOUR SENSES!"

Sirius looked up in shock. "Hush, Prongsy, you don't have to--" He looked down at the book he was holding and a look of horror spread over his face. "WHAT AM I DOING???"

"I DON'T KNOW, WHAT _ARE _YOU DOING???"

"JAMES!!!"

James fliched as his mother's voice floated up the stairs and through the door. "Sorry, Mum!" he squeaked. "We'll be quiet!"

The seventeen-year-old Marauders sat back down with a sigh. "Now what?" Sirius asked gloomily. "I think we've exhausted all we can do... I know your mum and dad think we're funny, Prongs, but we can only think of so many things to do to one house, no matter how large..."

James, fiddling with his bedskirt, said, "I've got to have _something_," and peered underneath his bed.

"See anything?" Peter asked, not really hopeful.

"Nope," James said, morose. "Wait... ah... there's something... Moony, you've got longer arms, help me out?"

Remus willingly obliged, emerging from underneath the bed with a hardback book in his hands. Sirius groaned. "No, please not one of those things again!!"

Remus blew the dust off the front cover and frowned. "Hey, James..." he said, "this is weird. _Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone_, by J.K. Rowling. I've never heard of this person..."

"Relative, Prongs?" Sirius asked. James shrugged.

"Probably just coincidence."

"Hey, Padfoot, it doesn't look bad," Remus said, opening the front cover and reading the inside flap. "Looks like there's Quidditch in it."

Both Sirius and James perked up instantly. "Really?"

"Well, we may as well try it," Remus said with a shrug. "I mean, there's nothing else to do, unless we want to join Padfoot in love novels..."

James mimed gagging as Sirius turned red. Peter gave an odd, high giggle.

"Oh, just read the damn book!" Sirius snapped.

Remus opened the book to the first page. "The first chapter is called 'The Boy Who Lived.'"

"...'Through Sirius' Singing,'" Peter finished. "That would be one amazing feat..."

Sirius smacked him.

**Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive,**

"Thanks for the address; now we can stalk you!" Sirius said, cheerful.

The other three stared.

"Did Padfoot just use--"

"--a semicolon, yes."

Nevermind the actual _words_ he'd said.

**were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. **

"You're welcome," all four boys chorused.

**They were the last people you****'****d except to be involved in anything strange or mysterious, because they just didn****'****t hold with such nonsense.**

**Mr. Dursley was the director of a firm called Grunnings, which made**

"Chairs," Peter guessed.

"Guns," James volunteered.

"Drills," Sirius said.

"'Drills'?" James repeated with a raised eyebrow.

"Drills."

**drills. **

Everyone turned to stare at Sirius. "..."

Sirius shrugged. "Lucky guess."

**He was a big, beefy**

"Mm, beef," Sirius said.

**man with hardly any neck, although he did have a very large mustache. Mrs. Dursley was thin and blonde and had nearly twice the usual amount of neck, **

"'Mummy, look at the pretty giraffe!'" Sirius said in a high, girly voice, before he and James burst into laughter. Remus rolled his eyes.

**which came in very useful as she spent so much of her time craning over garden fences, spying on the neighbors. The Dursleys had a small son called Dudley and in their opinion, there was no finer boy anywhere.**

**The Dursleys had everything they wanted, but they also had a secret, and their greatest fear was that somebody would discover it. They didn****'****t think they could bear it if anyone found out about the Potters.**

"What's wrong with the Potters?" James said, indignant.

"They're ashamed of having you in the family, Prongsy," Sirius said with a smirk. James smacked him.

**Mrs. Potter was Mrs. Dursley****'****s sister, but they hadn****'****t met for several years; in fact, Mrs. Dursley pretended she didn****'****t have a sister, because her sister and her good-for-nothing husband were as unDursleyish**

"Is that a word?" James asked.

"It is now," replied Sirius.

**as it was possible to be. The Dursleys shuddered to think what the neighbors would say if the Potters arrived in the street. **

"'Hey, look!'" Sirius said, pretending to be one of the neighbors. "'People in the street! This is a very odd phenomenon! IT'S THE DURSLEYS' FAULT!'"

**The Dursleys knew that the Potters had a small son, too, but they had never seen him. This boy was another good reason for keeping the Potters away; they didn****'****t want Dudley mixing with a child like that.**

"A child like _what???_" the four boys wondered, extremely confused.

**When Mr. and Mrs. Dursley woke up on the dull, gray **

"Thursday," Peter said, hopeful.

**Tuesday **

Peter pouted.

**our story starts, there was nothing about the cloudy sky outside to suggest that strange and mysterious things would soon be happening all over the country. Mr. Dursley hummed as he picked out his most boring tie for work and Mrs. Dursley gossiped away happily as she wrestled a screaming Dudley into his high chair.**

**None of them noticed a large, tawny owl flutter past the window.**

"Anyone think there might just be wizards involved?" Sirius said, looking mysterious.

"Padfoot, Moony already told us there was Quidditch in the story," James said.

"...Oh," Sirius said, shoulders slumping, a dejected look on his face.

**At half past**

"Nine," said Peter.

**eight,**

"Stop _doing_ that!" the other three boys snapped as Peter burst into tears.

**Mr. Dursley picked up his briefcase, pecked Mrs. Dursley on the cheek, and tried to kiss Dudley good-bye but missed, because Dudley was now having a tantrum and throwing his cereal at the walls. ****"****Little tyke,****"**** chortled Mr. Dursley as he left the house. He got into his car, and backed out of number four****'****s drive.**

**It was on the corner of the street that he noticed the first sign of something peculiar****—****a cat reading a map.**

"That's not peculiar," Sirius said. "McGonagall reads all the time."

"Padfoot," Remus said, a patient look on his face, "McGonagall is a witch. Muggle cats can't read."

"Everyone's just out to shoot me down today, aren't they?" Sirius said, mournful.

**For a second, Mr. Dursley didn****'****t realize what he had seen****—****then he jerked his head around to look again. There was a tabby cat standing on the corner of Privet Drive, but there wasn****'****t a map in sight. What could he have been thinking of? It must have been a trick of the light. **

"Maaaaagiiiiic..."

"Sirius, will you _shut up?_"

**Mr. Dursley blinked and stared at the cat. It stared back. As Mr. Dursley drove around the corner and up the road, he watched the cat in his mirror. It was now reading the sign that said Privet Drive****—****no, looking at the sign; cats couldn****'****t read maps or signs. Mr. Dursley gave himself a little shake and put the cat out of his mind. As he drove toward town he though of nothing except a large order of drills he was hoping to get that day.**

**But on the edge of town, drills were driven out of his mind by something else. As he sat in the usual morning traffic jam, he couldn****'****t help noticing that there seemed to be a lot of strangely dressed people about. People in cloaks. Mr. Dursley couldn****'****t bear people who dressed in funny clothes****—****the getups you saw on young people!**

"What's wrong with people wearing cloaks?"

**He supposed this was some stupid new fashion. He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel and his eyes fell on a huddle of these weirdos standing quite close by. They were whispering excitedly together. Mr. Dursley was enraged to see that a couple of them weren****'****t young at all; why, that man had to be older than he was, and he was wearing an emerald-green cloak! The nerve of him! But then it struck Mr. Dursley that this was probably some silly stunt****—****these people were obviously collecting for something...yes, that would be it. The traffic moved on and a few minutes later, Mr. Dursley arrived in the Grunnings parking lot.**

"This man doesn't strike me as being very bright..." James said slowly. Remus smacked himself on the forehead.

**Mr. Dursley always sat with his back to the window of his office on the ninth floor. If he hadn****'****t, he might have found it harder to concentrate on drills that morning. He didn****'****t see the owls swooping past in broad daylight, though people down the street did; they pointed and gazed open-mouthed as owl after owl sped overhead. Most of them had never seen an owl even at nighttime.**

"Weird," Sirius and James said.

**Mr. Dursley, however, had a perfectly normal, owl-free morning. He yelled at five different people. He made several important phone calls and shouted a bit more. He was in a very good mood until lunchtime, when he thought he****'****d stretch his legs and walk across the road to buy himself a bun **

Sirius and James sniggered. When Remus and Peter stared, James responded with a smirk, "Inside joke."

**from the bakery.**

**He****'****d forgotten all about the people in cloaks until he passed a group of them next to the baker****'****s. He eyed them angrily as he passed. He didn****'****t know why, but they made him uneasy. This bunch were whispering excitedly, too, and he couldn****'****t see a single collecting tin. It was on his way back past them, clutching a large doughnut in a bag that he caught a few words of what they were saying.**

"**The Potters, that****'****s right, that****'****s what I heard****—****"**

"—**yes, their son, Harry****—****"**

"Harry's a nice name," James said, looking thoughtful. "I'll need to talk to Lily about that one."

"Prongs, you're seventeen," Remus said. "A bit early to be thinking about marriage, maybe?"

"Never too early with Lily..."

Remus ignored the lovestruck James and carried on.

**Mr. Dursley stopped dead.**

"So we're rid of him now?" Sirius said hopefully.

"Figure of speech, Padfoot..."

**Fear flooded him.**

"'...taking him down the street, on the highway, and into London, where he was hit by a double-decker bus," Sirius said, triumphant.

"...You really like this narration idea, don't you?"

**He looked back at the whisperers as if he wanted to say something to them, but thought better of it. He dashed back across the road, hurried up to his office, snapped at his secretary not to disturb him, seized his telephone, and had almost finished dialing his home number when he changed his mind. He put the receiver back down and stroked his mustache, thinking...no, he was being stupid. Potter wasn****'****t an unusual name. He was sure there were lots of people called Potter who had a son called Harry. Come to think of it, he wasn****'****t even sure his nephew was called Harry. He****'****d never seen the boy. It might have been Harvey. **

James gagged.

**Or Harold.**

James gagged again.

"Hey, can't Harold be shortened to Harry?" Peter piped up.

"No."

**There was no point in worrying Mrs. Dursley; **

"He calls his wife Mrs. Dursley?" all four said, incredulous.

**she always got so upset at any mention of her sister. He didn****'****t blame her****—****if he****'****d had a sister like that...but all the same, those people in cloaks...**

"Is it just me," Remus said, "or does this guy just _really_ hate finishing his thoughts?"

**He found it a lot harder to concentrate on drills that afternoon, and when he left the building at five o'clock, he was still so worried that he walked straight into someone just outside the door.**

"How rude of him," James said.

**"Sorry," he grunted, as the tiny old man stumbled and almost fell.** **It was a few seconds before Mr. Dursley realised that the man was wearing a violet cloak. He didn't seem at all upset at being almost knocked to the ground. On the contrary, his face split into a wide smile and he said in a squeaky voice** **that made passers-by stare: "Don't be sorry my dear sir, for nothing could upset me today! Rejoice, for **

Remus paused in his reading and went pale. "..."

"Moony?" James said, uncertain. "You all right?" He turned to Sirius. "It's not the full moon, is it?"

Sirius shook his head. "I don't think so..."

Remus took a deep breath and tried to continue. "For... for..."

"Just read the damn book already!!!"

**for You-Know-Who has gone at last! **

There was a long silence.

"Whoah," Sirius finally said.

"Remy, check the publication date, will you?" a wide-eyed, stunned-looking James asked.

"1997," Remus said in reply. "Hold on... how could it be '97? That's not for another fifteen years!"

Everyone fell silent again.

"D'you think," James said in a hushed voice, "that this book is... the future? And this Harry person is... a relative of mine?"

"I think," Remus said darkly, "that is a distinct possibility."

**Even Muggles like your self should be celebrating this happy, happy day!"**

**And the old man hugged Mr. Dursley around the middle and walked off.  
**

**Mr. Dursley stood rooted to the spot. He had been hugged by a complete stranger. He also thought he had been called a Muggle, whatever that was.**

"A Muggle is a--" Sirius began.

"Padfoot," Remus said. "That wasn't my saying that. That was the book."

"..."

**He was rattled. He hurried to his car and set off home, hoping he was imagining things, which he had never hoped before, because he didn't approve of imagination.**

"What a strange person..."

**As he pulled into the driveway at number four, the first thing he saw - and it didn't improve his mood - was the tabby cat he'd spotted that morning. It was now sitting on his garden wall. He was sure it was the same one; it had the same markings around its eyes.**

"Ten Galleons says it's McGonagall," Sirius volunteered.

James grinned. "You're on," he said, and they shook on it.

**"Shoo!" said Mr. Dursley loudly.**

**The cat didn't move. It just gave him a stern look.**

"'Then they commenced into a staring match, which Mr. Dursley won,'" Sirius put in.

"Why Mr. Dursley?" Peter wondered.

Sirius shrugged. "Just to shake things up."

**Was this normal cat behaviour, Mr. Dursley wondered?**

"No," Sirius said, "but it is normal McGonagall behavior.

**Trying to pull himself together, he let himself into the house. He was still determined not to mention anything to his wife.**

**Mrs. Dursley had had a nice, normal day. She told him over dinner all about Mrs. Next Door's **

"What an unfortunate last name!" Peter said.

**problems with her daughter and how Dudley had learnt a new word ("shan't!").**

"Brat."

**Mr. Dursley tried to act normally. When Dudley had been put to bed, he went into the living-room in time to catch the last report on the evening news:**

**"And finally, bird-watchers everywhere have reported that the nation's owls have been behaving very unusually today. Although owls normally hunt at night and are hardly ever seen in daylight, there have been hundreds of sightings of these birds flying in every direction since sunrise. Experts are unable to explain why the owls have suddenly changed their sleeping pattern." The news reader allowed himself a grin. ****"****Most mysterious. And now, over to Jim McGuffin with the weather. Going to be any more showers of owls tonight, Jim?"**

**"Well, Ted," said the weatherman, "I don't know about that, but it****'****s not only the owls that have been acting oddly today. Viewers as far apart as Kent, Yorkshire and Dundee have been phoning in to tell me that instead of the rain that I promised yesterday, they've had a downpour of shooting stars!** **Perhaps people have been celebrating Bonfire Night early**. **It's not until next week, folks! But I can promise a wet night tonight."**

Sirius and James screwed up their faces in disgust. Remus threw his hands into the air. "_Will you two gain a bit of maturity and get your heads out of the gutter?"_

Peter looked utterly confused.

**Mr. Dursley sat frozen in his armchair. Shooting stars all over the place? And a whisper, a whisper**

"'...not to mention an echo, an echo...'" Sirius added.

**about the Potters... Mrs. Dursley came into the living-room carrying two cups of tea. It was no good. He'd have to say something to her. He cleared his throat nervously. "Er - Petunia, dear - you haven't heard from your sister lately, have you?"**

James frowned. "Hang on... I think I remember Lily saying once... isn't Petunia the name of her sister?"

"Your girlfriend, Prongs," Sirius said with a shrug.

"Hey, speaking of which," James said, brightening, "let's invite her over!" And before the others could protest, he had tied a letter to his owl's leg and sent her on her way. He settled back, looking satisfied.

**As he expected, Mrs. Dursley looked shocked and angry. After all, they normally pretended she didn't have a sister.  
**

**"No," she said sharply. "Why?"  
**

**"Funny stuff on the news," Mr. Dursley mumbled. "Owls... shooting stars... and there were a lot of funny-looking people in town today..."  
**

**"So?" snapped Mrs. Dursley.  
**

**"Well, I just thought... maybe... it was something to do with... you know... her lot."**

**Mrs. Dursley sipped her tea through pursed lips. Mr. Dursley wondered whether he dared tell her he'd heard the name 'Potter.'**

**He decided he didn't dare. Instead he said, as casually as he could, "Their son - he'd be about Dudley's age now wouldn't he?"  
**

**"I suppose so," said Mrs. Dursley stiffly.  
**

**"What's his name again? Howard isn't it?"  
**

**"Harry. Nasty, common name, if you ask me."**

"Harry's a lovely name!" James said, looking affronted. Remus patted his shoulder.

"Yes, Mummy James."

**Oh, yes," said Mr. Dursley, his heart sinking horribly. "Yes, I quite agree."  
**

**He didn't say another word on the subject as they went upstairs to bed. While Mrs. Dursley was in the bathroom, Mr. Dursley crept to the bedroom window and peered down into the front garden. **

**The cat was still there. It was staring down Privet Drive as though it was waiting for something. Was he imagining things?** **Could all this have anything to do with the Potters? If it did... if it got out that they were related to a pair of - well, he didn't think he could bear it.**

"Nope, not just me," Remus decided. "He _does_ have issues with thought-finishing."

**The Dursleys got into bed. Mrs. Dursley fell asleep quickly, but Mr. Dursley lay awake, turning it all over in his mind. His last, comforting thought before he fell asleep was that even if the Potters were involved, there was no reason for them to come near him and Mrs. Dursley. The Potters knew very well what he and Petunia thought about them and their kind... He couldn't see how he and Petunia could get mixed up in anything that might be going on. He yawned and turned over. It couldn't affect them... **

"How very wrong he is," Sirius said, shaking his head sadly.

**How very wrong he was.**

"How are you _doing_ that?!?" Sirius' three friends demanded. Sirius grinned.

"No clue."

**Mr. Dursley might have been drifting into an uneasy sleep, but the cat on the wall outside was showing no sign of sleepiness. It was sitting as still as a statue, its eyes fixed unblinkingly on the far corner of Privet Drive. It didn't so much as quiver when a car door slammed in the next street, nor when the two owls swooped overhead**. **In fact, it was nearly midnight before the cat moved at all.**

**A man appeared on the corner the cat had been watching, appeared so suddenly and silently you'd have thought he'd just popped out of the ground.**

**The cat's tail twitched and its eyes narrowed.**

**Nothing like this man had been seen in Privet Drive. He was tall, thin and very old, judging by the silver of his hair and beard, which were both long enough to tuck into his belt.** **He was wearing long robes, a purple cloak which swept the ground and high-heeled, buckled boots. His blue eyes were light, bright and sparkling behind half-moon spectacles and his nose was very long and crooked, as though it had been broken at least twice. **

"This one's Dumbledore," James said.

"No fair, that one's an easy call!" Sirius pouted.

"Hey, you already called McGonagall..."

"Oh, fine..."

"But what would Dumbledore be doing in a Muggle neighborhood?" Remus wondered.

"It's the Dursleys' fault!" Sirius exclaimed.

**This man's name was Albus Dumbledore.**

"Hah!" James said.

"You never bet money," Sirius said with a smirk.

James swore. "God dammit... and on such an easy one!"

**Albus Dumbledore didn't seem to realise that he had just arrived in a street where everything from his name to his boots was unwelcome. He was busy rummaging in his cloak, looking for something. But he did seem to realise he was being watched, because he looked up suddenly at the cat, which was still staring at him from the other end of the street. For some reason, the sight of the cat seemed to amuse him. He chuckled and muttered, "I should have known."**

**He had found what he was looking for in his inside pocket.**

**It seemed to be a silver cigarette lighter. He flicked it open, held it up in the air and clicked it. The nearest street lamp went out with a little pop.**

**He clicked it again - the next lamp flickered into darkness. Twelve times he clicked the Put-Outer, until the only lights left in the whole street were two tiny pinpricks in the distance, which were the eyes of the cat watching him.**

**If anyone looked out of their window now, even the beady-eyed Mrs. Dursley, they wouldn't be able to see anything that was happening down on the pavement. Dumbledore slipped the Put-Outer back inside his cloak and set off down the street towards number four, where he sat down on the wall next to the cat.**

**He didn't look at it, but after a moment he spoke to it.  
**

**"Fancy seeing you here, Professor McGonagall."**

"Hah!" Sirius exclaimed, triumphant. "Pay up, Prongs!"

Grumbling, James handed Sirius ten Galleons.

**He turned to smile at the tabby, but it had gone. Instead he was smiling at a rather severe looking woman who was wearing square glasses exactly the shape of the markings the cat had had around its eyes. She, too, was wearing a cloak, an emerald one. Her black hair was drawn into a tight bun. She looked distinctly ruffled.**

Peter waved.

"She can't see you, Peter," Remus said, raising his eyebrows.

Peter opened his mouth.

"She can't hear you, either."

Peter sighed, looking very disappointed.

**"How did you know it was me?" she asked.**

**"My dear Professor, I've never seen a cat sit so stiffly."**

**"You'd be stiff too if you'd been sitting on a brick wall all day," said Professor McGonagall.**

**"All day? When you could have been celebrating? I must have passed a dozen feasts and parties on my way here."**

**Professor McGonagall sniffed angrily.**

**"Oh yes, everyone's celebrating all right," she said impatiently. "You'd think they'd be a bit more careful, but no - even the Muggles noticed something's going on. It was on their news." She jerked her head back at the Dursleys' dark living-room window. "I heard it. Flocks of owls... shooting stars... Well, they're not completely stupid. They were bound to notice something. Shooting stars down in Kent - I'll bet that was Dedalus Diggle. He never had much sense."**

"No, he didn't," James said sadly, shaking his head.

**You can't blame them," said Dumbledore gently. "We've had precious little to celebrate for eleven years."**

**"I know that," said Professor McGonagall irritably. "But that's no reason to lose our heads. People are being downright careless, out on the streets in broad daylight, not even dressed in Muggle clothes swapping rumours."**

**She threw a sharp, sideways glance at Dumbledore here, as though hoping he was going to tell her something, but he didn't, so she went on: "A fine thing it would be if, on the very day You-Know-Who seems to have disappeared at last, the Muggles found out about us all. I suppose he really has gone, Dumbledore?"**

**"It certainly seems so," said Dumbledore. "We have much to be thankful for. Would you care for a sherbet lemon?"**

**"A what?"**

"**A sherbet lemon. They're a kind of Muggle sweet I'm rather fond of."**

"Typical."

**"No, thank you," said Professor McGonagall coldly, as though she didn't think this was the moment for sherbet lemons.**

**"As I say, even if You-Know-Who has gone -****"**

**"My dear Professor, surely a sensible person like your self can call him by his name? All this 'You-Know-Who' nonsense - for eleven years I have been trying to persuade people to call him by his proper name: Voldemort."**

Peter flinched.

**Professor McGonagall flinched, but Dumbledore, who was un-sticking two sherbet lemons, seemed not to notice.**

**"It all gets so confusing if we keep saying 'You-Know-Who.' I have never seen any reason to be frightened of saying Voldemort's**

Peter flinched again.

**name."**

**"I know you haven't," said Professor McGonagall, sounding half-exasperated, half-admiring. "But you're different. Everyone knows you're the one You-Know - oh, all right, Voldemort -**

Peter flinched again.

"Oh, stop flinching, Wormtail!" Sirius said, finally fed up. "It's just a name! And a _French_ one to boot!"

**was frightened of."**

**"You flatter me," said Dumbledore calmly. "Voldemort had powers I will never have."**

**"Only because you're too - well - noble to use them."**

**"It's lucky it's dark. I haven't blushed so much since Madam Pomfrey told me she liked my new earmuffs."**

"EW! TMI! TMI!" James and Sirius shouted in unison, covering their ears. Remus rolled his eyes.

**Professor McGonagall shot a sharp look at Dumbledore and said, "The owls are nothing to the rumours that are flying around. You know what everyone's saying? About why he's disappeared? About what finally stopped him?" It seemed that Professor McGonagall had reached the point she was most anxious to discuss, the real reason she had been waiting on a cold hard wall all day, for neither as a cat nor as a woman had she fixed Dumbledore with such a piercing stare as she did now.**

**It was plain that whatever 'everyone' was saying, she was not going to believe it until Dumbledore told her it was true. Dumbledore, however, was choosing another sherbet lemon and did not answer.**

**"What they're saying," she pressed on, "is that last night Voldemort turned up in Godric's Hollow. He went to find the Potters. The rumour is that Lily and James Potter**

There was a pause. "So it _is_ the future," Remus said grimly. "Guys, I don't think we should continue--"

"Why?" James demanded. "I just found out that I get to marry Lily!"

"And that's already too much!" Remus snapped. "Look, guys, we can't go around changing the future! What if we find out things we're not supposed to know and desperately want to keep from happening? You can't say you won't try to stop it!"

"But if it's the future," Sirius said quietly, "then hasn't it already happened? You can't change fate..."

Remus slowly picked up the book. "As long as you promise... not to do anything..." he said shakily.

The other three nodded. Remus sighed, then began to continue. Once more he paused and turned pale.

"What's wrong _now_?" James asked.

**are - are - that they're - dead.**

A second stunned silence filled the room. "No!" James said in shock. "But how did-- how are--"

Sirius rested a hand on James' shoulder. "Whoever it was, Prongs," he said grimly, "they won't last long with me out there getting revenge!"

For some odd reason, Peter looked a little afraid and moved away from Sirius.

**Dumbledore bowed his head. Professor McGonagall gasped.**

**"Lily and James ... I can't believe it ... I didn't want to believe it ... Oh, Albus ..."**

**Dumbledore reached out and patted her on the shoulder. "I know ... I know ..." he said heavily.**

**Professor McGonagall's voice trembled as she went on. "That's not all. They're saying he tried to kill the Potter's son, Harry.**

"So Harry is..." James said slowly. "And Voldemort killed..."

"He has the Dursley disease!" Sirius said in a stage whisper, totally ruining the moment. Remus slapped him.

"Padfoot! Not a good time!"

**But - he couldn't.**

"What?!" James said in shock. "But-- once Voldemort decides to kill you, you're dead! Lily and I seem to be proof of that one!" He looked miserable.

**He couldn't kill that little boy. No one knows why, or how, but they're saying that when he couldn't kill Harry Potter, Voldemort's power somehow broke - and that's why he's gone."**

"...Wow..." Sirius whispered. "Prongs, your son's going to defeat Voldemort! It's going to be... your son!"

**Dumbledore nodded glumly.**

**"It's - it's true?" faltered Professor McGonagall. "After all he's done... all the people he's killed... he couldn't kill a little boy? It's just astounding... of all the things to stop him... but how in the name of heaven did Harry survive?"**

"Yes, tell us please!" James said.

**"We can only guess," said Dumbledore. "We may never know."**

"Why do I get the feeling he knows more than he's letting on?"

**Professor McGonagall pulled out a lace handkerchief and dabbed at her eyes beneath her spectacles. Dumbledore gave a great sniff as he took out a watch from his pocket and examined it. It was a very odd watch. It had twelve hands but no numbers; instead, little planets were moving around the edge. It must have made sense to Dumbledore, though, because he put it back in his pocket and said, "Hagrid's late. I suppose it was he who told you I'd be here, by the way?"**

**"Yes," said Professor McGonagall. "And I don't suppose you're going to tell me why you're here, of all places?"**

**"I've come to bring Harry to his aunt and uncle.**

"He _what????_" James said, indignant. "But I don't want-- my son can't-- not with _these people_!!!"

"Why don't _I_ get him?" Sirius said, equally indignant. "I'm probably his godfather! Prongs, why didn't you write in your will that one of us would get him?"

"There's no way I _wouldn't_!" James hastily assured all three of them. "So why...? Surely Lily couldn't have said _they_ get him! She hates her sister!"

**They're the only family he has left now."**

"Nuh-uh!!!!" Sirius said, highly insulted. "Unless... wait... did we die too?"

"No idea," Remus said, looking solemn.

**You don't mean - you can't mean the people who live here?" cried Professor McGonagall, jumping to her feet and pointing at number four. "Dumbledore - you can't."**

"Thank you, McGonagall!" James said, throwing up his hands.

**I've been watching them all day. You couldn't find two people who are less like us. And they've got this son - I saw him kicking his mother all the way up the street, screaming for sweets. Harry Potter come and live here!"**

**"It's the best place for him," said Dumbledore firmly.**

"He doesn't trust me, does he?" Sirius pouted.

**"His aunt and uncle will be able to explain everything to him when he's older. I've written them a letter."**

**"A letter?" repeated Professor McGonagall faintly, sitting back down on the wall. "Really Dumbledore, you think you can explain all this in a letter? These people will never understand him!**

"McGonagall is on a _roll_ today!" James said, awed.

**He'll be famous - a legend - I wouldn't be surprised if today was known as Harry Potter Day in future - there will be books written about Harry - **

"Like this one?" all four said.

**every child in our world will know his name!"**

**"Exactly," said Dumbledore, looking very seriously over the top of his half-moon glasses. "It would be enough to turn any boy's head. Famous before he can walk and talk! Famous for something he won't even remember! Can't you see how much better off he'll be, growing up away from all that until he's ready to take it?"**

"He has a point," said Remus.

"But can't he grow up like that with _me_?" Sirius said.

**Professor McGonagall opened her mouth, changed her mind, swallowed and then said, "Yes - yes, you're right, of course.**

James' jaw dropped. "No! Come on, McGonagall! You're on my side, here! You can't back down!"

**But how is the boy getting here Dumbledore?"**

**She eyed his cloak suddenly as though she thought he might be hiding Harry underneath it.  
**

**"Hagrid's bringing him."**

"Traitor," Sirius grumbled.

**You think it - wise - to trust Hagrid with something as important as this?"**

**"I would trust Hagrid with my life," said Dumbledore.**

**"I'm not saying his heart isn't in the right place," said Professor McGonagall grudgingly, "but you can't pretend he's not careless. He does tend to - what was that?"**

"That was my stealing Harry away while no one was looking," Sirius said.

**A low rumbling sound had broken the silence around them. It grew steadily louder as they looked up and down the street for some sign of a headlight; it swelled to a roar as they both looked up at the sky - and a huge motorbike fell out of the air and landed on the road in front of them.**

"A flying motorbike!" Sirius shouted, leaping to his feet. "I SO want one of those!!!"

**If the motorbike was huge, it was nothing to the man sitting astride it. He was almost twice as tall as a normal man and at least five times as wide. He looked simply too big to be allowed, and so wild - long tangles of bushy black hair and beard hid most of his face, he had hands the size of dustbin lids and his feet in their leather boots were like baby dolphins. In his vast muscular arms he was holding a bundle of blankets.**

**"Hagrid," said Dumbledore, sounding relieved. "At last. And where did you get that motorbike?"**

**"Borrowed it, Professor Dumbledore, sir," said the giant, climbing carefully off the motorbike as he spoke. "Young Sirius Black lent it me."**

"YESSSSSSS!" Sirius cheered.

"Nooooo..." Remus groaned.

"Hang on, why did I lend it to Hagrid, then?" Sirius demanded of the book. "Why didn't _I _at least bring Harry, if I can't keep him?" He paused, then his face lit up as he sat back down. "I got it! I'm off chasing the Death Eater who got you guys killed, so Moony and Wormy will take over and rescue Harry from that horrible place!"

Remus chuckled as Peter looked worried.

**I've got him, sir."**

**"No problems, were there?"**

**"No, sir - house was almost destroyed but I got him out all right before the Muggles started swarmin' around. He fell asleep as we were flyin' over Bristol."**

**Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall bent forward over the bundle of blankets. Inside, just visible, was a baby boy, fast asleep. Under a tuft of jet-black hair over his forehead they could see a curiously shaped cut, like a bolt of lightning.**

**"Is that where - ?" whispered Professor McGonagall.**

**"Yes," said Dumbledore. "He'll have that scar for ever."**

**"Couldn't you do something about it, Dumbledore?"**

**"Even if I could, I wouldn't. Scars can come in useful. I have one myself above my left knee which is a perfect map of the London Underground. **

"Dumbledore's just in a sharing mood today," James said, wrinkling his nose.

**Well - give him here, Hagrid - we'd better get this over with."**

**Dumbledore took Harry in his arms and turned towards the Dursleys' house.**

**"Could I - could I say goodbye to him, sir?" asked Hagrid.**

**He bent his great shaggy head over Harry and gave him what must have been a very scratchy, whiskery kiss.**

**Then, suddenly, Hagrid let out a howl like a wounded dog.**

"I object to that," Sirius said.

**"Shhh!" hissed Professor McGonagall. "You'll wake the Muggles!"**

**"S-s-sorry," sobbed Hagrid, taking out a large spotted handkerchief and burying his face in it. "But I c-c-can't stand it - Lily an' James dead - an' poor little Harry off ter live with Muggles -****"**

Sirius and James both burst into simultaneous sobs. Remus stared at them.

**"Yes, yes, it's all very sad, but get a grip on yourself, Hagrid, or we'll be found," Professor McGonagall whispered, patting Hagrid gingerly on the arm as Dumbledore stepped over the low garden wall and walked to the front door. He laid Harry gently on the doorstep, took a letter out of his cloak, tucked it inside Harry's blankets and then came back to the other two. For a full minute the three of them stood and looked at the little bundle; Hagrid's shoulders shook, Professor McGonagall blinked furiously and the twinkling light that usually shone from Dumbledore's eyes seemed to have gone out.**.

**"Well," said Dumbledore finally, "that's that. We've no business staying here. We may as well go and join the celebrations."**

**Yeah," said Hagrid in a very muffled voice. "I'll be takin' Sirius his bike back.**

"Yeah, you'd better!" Sirius said.

**G'night, Professor McGonagall - Professor Dumbledore, sir."**

**Wiping his streaming eyes on his jacket sleeve, Hagrid swung himself on to the motorbike and kicked the engine into life; with a roar it rose into the air and off into the night.**

**"I shall see you soon, I expect, Professor McGonagall," said Dumbledore, nodding to her. Professor McGonagall blew her nose in reply**.

**Dumbledore turned and walked back down the street. On the corner he stopped and took out the silver Put-Outer. He clicked it once and twelve balls of light sped back to their street lamps so that Privet Drive glowed suddenly orange and he could make out a tabby cat slinking around the corner at the other end of the street. He could just see the bundle of blankets on the step of number four.**

**"Good luck, Harry," he murmured. He turned on his heel and with a swish of his cloak he was gone.**

**A breeze ruffled the neat hedges of Privet Drive, which lay silent and tidy under the inky sky, the very last place you would expect astonishing things to happen. Harry Potter rolled over inside his blankets without waking up. One small hand closed on the letter beside him and he slept on, not knowing he was special, not knowing he was famous, not knowing he would be woken in a few hours' time by Mrs. Dursley's scream as she opened the front door to put out the milk bottles, nor that he would spend the next few weeks being prodded and pinched by his cousin Dudley... He couldn't know that at this very moment, people meeting in secret all over the country were holding up their glasses and saying in hushed voices: "To Harry Potter - the boy who lived!"**

The four Marauders sat in stunned silence for nearly a half hour as Remus closed the book for the end of chapter one. Suddenly, they all jumped as Mrs. Potter called up the stairs, "James! Lily is here!"

James looked up as Lily Evans burst through the door, green eyes sparkling. She immediately noticed something was wrong. "What's up?" she asked.

James scooted over on the large, squashy chair on which he was sitting, motioning for Lily to join him. He gave her a wry smile. "Interested in reading with us?" he asked her. "We've only just begun."

* * *


	2. The Vanishing Glass

Hey, so I made it on to chapter two! I'm hoping I'll still be able to keep the right amount of comedy for this chapter-- I know this is the one where James and Lily are usually enraged, so I'll try to do something different. I hope you enjoy it! ;)

I'm holding _Deathly Hallows_ in my hands. I've owned it for six hours and I haven't turned a page. Why? Because when I finish it, I've finished it... and I don't want it to be over! TT.TT

* * *

**Chapter Two: The Vanishing Glass (Or, Remain Under the Bed for Your Own Safety!)**

Lily accepted James' offered seat and looked around at the Marauders' shocked faces with some confusion. She turned to James as he put an arm around her shoulder. "James?" Lily asked. "What's gotten you guys so... serious?"

"What's wrong with being Sirius?" Sirius demanded, crossing his arms with a pout. Lily rolled her eyes.

"Not _Sirius_, Sirius. Serious."

"...I see no difference."

Lily opened her mouth, then gave up and turned back to James. "James?" She looked around and saw the book in Remus' hands. Her emerald eyes widened. "Good Merlin. That's not... you guys aren't actually _reading_ something, are you?"

Peter looked affronted. "We can read!" he protested.

"Well, seeing as the only book Evans has ever seen you read, Wormy," Sirius pointed out, "is 'Max's First Word,' I'm not entirely questioning her judgement right now."

Peter pouted. "That was first year."

"Let me see that book, Remus," Lily demanded, holding out a hand. Remus exchanged a glance with James, who nodded and shrugged. _Telling her 'no' won't get you anywhere..._ his look clearly read. Remus reluctantly handed Lily the book.

"_Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone,"_ she read. The redhead turned to James, an eyebrow raised. "Relative?"

"Uh..." James said, turning red. "Actually yes. Our son."

"WHAT???" Lily yelped, jumping out of James' lap onto her feet. "But we don't-- we haven't even--"

"'You haven't even'?" Sirius echoed in disbelief. "Prongsy, that is _lame_!"

Lily smacked him.

James grabbed onto Lily's hand and looked at her with pleading eyes. "Lily, calm down," he said quickly. "This book-- it's from the future. Look at the publication date. It's not for another fifteen years! Please, just sit back down."

Lily took a deep breath and sat down. "So we have a son."

James nodded.

"There's a book written about him."

"Seven, actually," Remus interjected. "Looks like one for each year at Hogwarts."

"What did he _do_??"

"We'll get there..." James said, nervous.

"So we're..."

"Married, yes," James said. Lily's eyes softened, and she stared affectionately into James' eyes for a while until they were interrupted by Sirius making gagging sounds. They looked away, pink.

"Back to what Harry actually _did_," Remus said loudly. "Apparently, a few months after his first birthday, on Halloween, Voldemort showed up at your house."

Lily gasped, suddenly turning pale. James squeezed her hand.

"Voldemort killed you and James," Remus said sadly as Lily began to shake, "and he tried to kill Harry, too-- but he couldn't."

"What-- why??" Lily breathed.

"No one knows," Remus said with a shrug. "Or at least, we don't. Harry apparently defeated Voldemort, and Dumbledore took him to live with your sister and her husband."

Lily nearly choked. "He _what????"_ she demanded.

"Careful, Lily, we kinda need Dumbledore to stay alive..."

Lily glared at Sirius. "Where are _you_?"

Sirius raised his hands defensively. "Hey! I've been chucked in Azkaban for going after the Death Eater who told Voldemort where you guys lived but everyone thought this guy was innocent! ...Or that's my theory, anyway." He gave a manic grin. "I had a flying motorbike."

Lily flipped the book open to chapter two. "Well, let's keep reading, then!" she said. "I want to find out what happens to my son." She looked at James and smiled. "_Our_ son."

Sirius gagged again.

"The second chapter," Lily said, ignoring Sirius, "is called 'The Vanishing Glass.'"

"'--es,'" Peter finished. "Meaning Harry has to walk around blind for the entire chapter."

James smacked him.

**Nearly ten years had passed since the Dursleys had woken up to find their nephew on the front step, but Privet Drive had hardly changed at all.** **The sun still rose on the same tidy front gardens and lit up the brass number four on the Dursley's front door; it crept into their living room, which was almost exactly the same as it had been on the night when Mr. Dursley had seen that fateful news report about the owls. Only the photographs on the mantelpiece really showed how much time had passed.** **Ten years ago, there had been lots of pictures of what looked like a large pink beach ball wearing different-colored bonnets -**

"Why would you put a bonnet on a beach ball?" Peter asked, confused.

"Why would you take _pictures_ of that?" Sirius added.

Remus stared at them. "..."

**but Dudley Dursley was no longer a baby, and now the photographs showed a large blond boy riding his first bicycle, on a carousel at the fair, playing a computer game with his father, being hugged and kissed by his mother. The room held no sign at all that another boy lived in the house, too.**

"Yes!" Sirius exclaimed, punching the air. "I escaped from Azkaban and rescued Harry! Haha!"

**Yet Harry Potter was still there,**

"God dammit," Sirius muttered, looking mutinous. Remus patted him on the back.

**asleep at the moment, but not for long. His Aunt Petunia was awake and it was her shrill voice that made the first noise of the day.**

Lily winced. "That kid is going to have one helluva headache," she said, shaking her head.

James stared at her. "Did you just say 'helluva'?"

"...No..."

"**Up! Get up! Now!"**

"She is _not_ a nice woman!" Sirius said, looking affronted.

"Didn't we already determine this, Padfoot?" Remus asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, but I felt the need to clarify."

"How do you _live_ with her?" James asked Lily, bewildered.

Lily gave an evil smirk. "Oh, quite easily..."

The four boys shuddered, feeling an unpleasant aura emanating from Lily.

"Prongs," Sirius squeaked, "your girlfriend is scaring me."

**Harry woke with a start. His aunt rapped on the door again.**

"**Up!" she screeched. Harry heard her walking toward the kitchen and then the sound of the frying pan being put on the stove.**

"Maybe it's bacon," Sirius said, a heavenly look on his face.

**He rolled onto his back and tried to remember the dream he had been having. It had been a good one. There had been a flying motorcycle in it. **

"He remembers me!" Sirius said with glee.

"No, he remembers _Hagrid_," Remus reminded him. "Not you, your motorcycle."

Sirius looked depressed. "Well, it could be foreshadowing."

"Of course, Padfoot..."

**He had a funny feeling he'd had the same dream before.**

"Either that, or it actually happened..." the four boys said.

**His aunt was back outside the door.** "**Are you up yet?" she demanded.**

"**Nearly," Harry said.**

"After all, it's quite hard to be awake when you've got a screeching giraffe outside your bedroom door," Sirius added.

"**Well, get a move on, I want you to look after the bacon. And don't you dare let it burn, I want everything perfect on Duddy's birthday."**

The four boys groaned as Lily looked confused. "'Duddy'? And why is she treating my son like a slave?"

"_Our_ son," James corrected as Remus said, "The Dursleys' son's name is Dudley, and they don't like anything related to the wizarding world-- in other words, your son."

Lily's aura flared up again, then she paused and said with a grin, "Wait. Their son's name is _Dudley_?"

"They said that at the very beginning of the chapter..." Remus reminded her.

"...Oh, yeah..."

"Dinky Duddydums!" Sirius said suddenly, a manic grin on his face. The others edged away from him.

**Harry groaned.**

"**What did you say?" his aunt snapped through the door.**

"**Nothing, nothing…"**

"Well, technically, he _didn't_ say anything," Remus said thoughtfully.

"Remus," Sirius said.

"Yes?"

"Do you think we care?"

**Dudley's birthday –– how could he have forgotten? **

"Maybe because you don't care," Sirius suggested.

**Harry got slowly out of bed and started looking for socks. He found a pair under his bed and, after pulling a spider off one of them,**

"Yuck!" Lily said. "I can't stand spiders! Why does Petunia even allow them in her house? She's such a neat freak!"

"Don't we know it..." the boys muttered.

**put them on. Harry was used to spiders, because the cupboard under the stairs was full of them, and that is where he slept.**

"WHAT???" Lily and James roared. Remus, Peter, and Sirius hid under the bed, because Lily's glare was burning a hole in the opposite wall. Literally.

**When he was dressed he went down the hall into the kitchen. The table was almost hidden beneath all Dudley's birthday presents. It looked as though Dudley had gotten the new computer he wanted, not to mention the second television and the racing bike. **

"The what, the second who, and the racing whatta?" Sirius said from under the bed.

"Muggle toys," Remus responded, eyeing the furious parents and wondering if it was safe to leave the safety of the bed yet.

"Do you think he has enough presents?"

**Exactly why Dudley wanted a racing bike was a mystery to Harry, as Dudley was very fat and hated exercise –– unless of course it involved punching somebody. Dudley's favorite punching bag was Harry, **

Lily's angry aura, which had died down, flared up again.

"I think we should stay under here for the remainder of the chapter," Remus said, decisive.

"Prongs is going to marry a demon!" Peter squeaked.

**but he couldn't often catch him. Harry didn't look it, but he was very fast. **

James grinned. "He got that one from his father."

Lily relaxed and smiled. "It's so cute..."

Remus poked his head out into the open as Sirius mimed gagging, as he didn't feel safe enough to actually make the noises.

**Perhaps it had something to do with living in a dark cupboard,** **but Harry had always been small and skinny for his age. **

"Nope, son, that one's entirely hereditary," James said with a shrug.

"You may be skinny," Lily said, "but you've gotten quite tall since you hit puberty."

James turned bright red as Sirius, Remus, and Peter roared with laughter.

**He looked even smaller and skinnier than he really was because all he had to wear were old clothes of Dudley's, and Dudley was about four times bigger than he was.**

"I'm not quite sure if this is tragic or funny," Lily said, looking torn between getting angry again and laughing.

"It's funny!!!" Sirius said quickly. "Hysterical!"

**Harry had a thin face, knobbly knees, black hair,**

"Sounds as though he looks a lot like his father," Lily said. "He must be handsome." James smiled.

Sirius, meanwhile, was silently begging for Remus to kill him.

**and bright green eyes.**

"Aw, he has your eyes," James said to Lily. "You have such beautiful eyes..."

Sirius burst into tears. Remus looked at him, shaking his head with amusement.

**He wore round glasses **

"Too bad he got your vision, Prongs," Remus said. James sighed with disappointment.

"It runs in the male Potter gene pool..."

**held together with a lot of Scotch tape because of all the times Dudley had punched him on the nose.**

The three boys under the bed immediately scrabbled to get as far back under as possible.

**The only thing Harry liked about his own appearance was a very thin scar on his forehead that was shaped like a bolt of lightning. He had had it as long as he could remember, and the first question he could ever remember asking his Aunt Petunia was how he had gotten it. **

"**In the car crash when your parents died,"**

Lily's and James' jaws dropped. "Say WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTT??????" they spluttered. "We were _murdered_, thank you very much!!!!"

"Because that is something to be proud of," Remus said, sarcastic.

"Hey," Lily said, crossing her arms. "Better to die protecting your son from the most evil wizard of all time than to die in a _car crash_."

"...You have a point..."

**she had said. "And don't ask questions." **

"This reminds me of something," Sirius said, thoughtful, "but I don't know what..."

Remus stared at him. "Then why bring it up?"

"Thought you'd like to know..."

Remus rolled his eyes.

**Don't ask questions –– that was the first rule for a quiet life with the Dursleys. **

**Uncle Vernon entered the kitchen as Harry was turning over the bacon. **

"**Comb your hair!" he barked,**

Something under the bed barked. Lily jumped. "What was that?!?"

James lay a hand on her shoulder. "Uh... Our dog knows how to throw his voice."

Remus smacked his forehead. _Was that really the only excuse you could think of???_

**by way of a morning greeting. **

"Good morning to you, too!" James said, voice dripping sarcasm.

**About once a week, Uncle Vernon looked over the top of his newspaper and shouted that Harry needed a haircut. Harry must have had more haircuts than the rest of the boys in his class put together, but it made no difference, his hair simply grew that way ---- all over the place.**

"See??" James demanded of Lily. "I _told_ you I can't help it!"

Lily looked amused. "Yes, it may grow all over the place," she said, "but you have a more of a windswept look rather than a hat-hair look, meaning you _do_ style it yourself."

James pouted.

**Harry was frying eggs by the time Dudley arrived in the kitchen with his mother. Dudley looked a lot like Uncle Vernon. He had a large pink face, not much neck, small, watery blue eyes, and thick blond hair that lay smoothly on his thick, fat head.**

"Attractive," everyone chorused.

**Aunt Petunia often said that Dudley looked like a baby angel. **

"She would..."

**Harry often said that Dudley looked like a pig in a wig. **

"I like your son, James," Sirius said with a grin. "Reminds me of you, a bit."

James grinned back. "Atta boy, Harry!"

**Harry put the plates of egg and bacon on the table, which was difficult as there wasn't much room. Dudley, meanwhile, was counting his presents. His face fell. **

"**Thirty-six," He said, looking up at his mother and father. "That's two less than last year." **

Lily said, incredulous, "He complains about _thirty-six_ presents??? I hardly get _half_ that number! Who gets _thirty-six _presents?"

James coughed. Lily looked at him. "Well, it's okay if _you_ get thirty-six presents," she said, comforting. "You're rich, you're not spoiled, and you have about 6,786,896,896 relatives."

"I'm not entirely sure if I was just insulted or not..." James said slowly.

**"Darling, you haven't counted Auntie Marge's present, see, it's here under this big one from Mommy and Daddy." **

"**Alright, thirty-seven then," said Dudley, going red in the face. Harry, who could see a huge Dudley tantrum coming on, began wolfing**

"How exactly does one 'wolf'?" Sirius asked, looking expectantly at Remus.

Remus sighed. "It has nothing to do with actual wolves, Padfoot."

**down his bacon as fast as possible in case Dudley turned the table over. **

Sirius said, "I like the way this boy thinks."

**Aunt Petunia obviously scented danger, too, because she said quickly, "And we'll buy you another two presents while we're out today. How's that, popkin? Two more presents. Is that all right?" **

"No, it's not all right," Sirius said. "Double that order, and make it snappy."

Remus and Peter stared at Sirius and attempted to scoot away, but unfortunately space was cramped under the bed.

**Dudley thought for a moment.**

"That must be hard work," James said.

**It looked like hard work.**

"Hey!" Sirius protested. "Correctly guessing what comes next is _my _job!"

**Finally he said slowly, "So I'll have thirty...thirty..." **

"**Thirty-nine, sweetums," said Aunt Petunia. **

"And we have a winner!" Lily exclaimed. "At least _someone_ in the family knows how to count... I know Vernon doesn't..."

**  
"Oh." Dudley sat down heavily and grabbed the nearest parcel. "All right then." **

**Uncle Vernon chuckled. **

"**Little tyke wants his money's worth, just like his father. 'Atta boy, Dudley!" He ruffled Dudley's hair. **

"Congratulations for winning the 'Most Spoiled Brat on the Planet' award!" Remus said.

**At that moment the telephone rang and Aunt Petunia went to answer it while Harry and Uncle Vernon watched Dudley unwrap the racing bike, a video camera, a remote control airplane, sixteen new computer games, and a VCR. He was ripping the paper off a gold wristwatch when Aunt Petunia came back from the telephone looking both angry and worried. **

"**Bad news, Vernon," she said. "Mrs. Figg's broken her leg. She can't take him." She jerked her head in Harry's direction.  
**

"Figg?" James said, frowning. "That name sounds familiar. I think some woman named Arabella Figg is a friend of my mother's... but she's a Squib. Can't do magic worth a Knut."

**Dudley's mouth fell open in horror, but Harry's heart gave a leap. Every year on Dudley's birthday, his parents took him and a friend out for the day, adventure parks, hamburger restaurants, or the movies. Every year, Harry was left behind with Mrs. Figg, a mad old lady who lived two streets away. Harry hated it there. The whole house smelled of cabbage and Mrs. Figg made him look at photographs of all the cats she'd ever owned. **

Sirius wrinkled his nose. "The two things I hate most... I really need to break out of prison soon!"

"Either that, or Harry gets his letter," Lily pointed out. "After all, it did say ten years had passed..."

"Unless he's a Squib," Sirius said.

James would have smacked Sirius, but couldn't reach him under the bed.

**  
"Now what?" said Aunt Petunia, looking furiously at Harry as though he'd planned this. **

"Sounds like something James would do, actually," Remus said, thoughtful.

"Hey, I would never make someone break her leg!" James protested. "...At least, not intentionally."

**Harry knew he ought to feel sorry that Mrs. Figg had broken her leg, but it wasn't easy when he reminded himself**

"...'that it was his fault,'" Sirius said.

**it would be a whole year before he had to look at Tibbles, Snowy, Mr. Paws, and Tufty again. **

"Wait, who are these people???" Peter asked, confused.

Remus sighed. "The cats, Wormtail..."

"**We could phone Marge,"Uncle Vernon suggested. **

"**Don't be silly, Vernon, she hates the boy." **

"What a nice thing to say when he's standing right in the room..."

**The Dursleys often spoke about Harry like this, as though he wasn't there ---- or rather, as though he was something very nasty that couldn't understand them, like a slug. **

This time, even James took a step back from a pissed-off Lily.

"**What about what's-her-name, your friend ---- Yvonne?" **.

"**On vacation in Majorca," snapped Aunt Petunia. **

"**You could just leave me here," Harry put in hopefully (he'd be able to watch what he wanted on television for a change and maybe even have a go on Dudley's computer). **

**Aunt Petunia looked as though she'd just swallowed a lemon.  
**

"She has a bump in her throat?" Sirius said, hopeful. "And she's choking?"

Remus didn't even bother responding.

"**And come back and find the house in ruins?" she snarled. **

"Well..." Remus said, "He _is_ James' son..."

"**I won't blow up the house," said Harry,**

Sirius pouted.

"Good for you, Harry," Lily said.

**but they weren't listening. **

"**I suppose we could take him to the zoo," said Aunt Petunia slowly, "... and leave him in the car..." **

"**That car's new, he's not sitting in it alone..." **

**Dudley began to cry loudly. In fact, he wasn't really crying ---- it had been years since he'd really cried ---- but he knew that if he screwed up his face and wailed, his mother would give him anything he wanted. **

"**Dinky Duddydums,**

Lily paused. "...Isn't that what Sirius called him earlier?"

Sirius grinned. "And another point for Black!"

**don't cry, Mummy won't let him spoil your special day!" She cried, flinging her arms around him. **

"**I... don't...want...him...t-t-to come!" Dudley yelled between huge, pretend sobs. "He always sp-spoils everything!" He shot Harry a nasty grin through the gap in his mother's arms. **

"Moony, can we sic you on him?" Sirius whispered so Lily couldn't hear.

"No, Padfoot. That would just make him even _more_ dangerous. Not to mention he won't be born for quite a few years yet."

Sirius looked disappointed. "You can't even kill him just a little bit?"

"_No_, Padfoot..."

**Just then, the doorbell rang.**

"**Oh, good Lord, they're here!" said Aunt Petunia frantically –– and a moment later, Dudley's best friend, Piers Polkiss, walked in with his mother. Piers was a scrawny boy with a face like a rat. **

"I object to that," Peter said.

"Hey, it never said it was a _bad_ thing," Sirius pointed out.

Peter frowned. "True..."

**He was usually the one who held people's arms behind their backs while Dudley hit them. Dudley stopped pretending to cry at once. **

**Half an hour later, Harry, who couldn't believe his luck, was sitting in the back of the Dursleys' car with Piers and Dudley, on the way to the zoo for the first time in his life. **

"Awwwwwwwwwww..." Lily said, biting her lip. "Such... such a tragic childhood..."

James patted her shoulder awkwardly. "Dudley seems to have come in useful for once..."

"Okay, Moony," Sirius said. "You don't have to kill him _quite_ so badly."

**His aunt and uncle hadn't been able to think of anything else to do with him, but before they'd left, Uncle Vernon had taken Harry aside. **

"**I'm warning you," he had said, putting his large purple face right up close to Harry's, "I'm warning you now, boy –– any funny business, anything at all –– and you'll be in that cupboard from now until Christmas." **

"But what would he _do_?" Sirius wondered.

"**I'm not going to do anything," said Harry, "honestly..."**

"No, _not_ honestly, son," James reprimanded. "That is not the Marauder way!"

"I think he takes more after Lily in actions," Remus said, grinning.

**But Uncle Vernon didn't believe him. No one ever did. **

**The problem was, strange things often happened around Harry and it was just no good telling the Dursleys he didn't make them happen. **

"See!" James said. "He's not a Squib! He's showing signs of magic!"

"Coincidence," Sirius said.

**Once, Aunt Petunia, tired of Harry coming back from the barbers looking as though he hadn't been at all, had taken a pair of kitchen scissors an cut his hair so short he was almost bald except for his bangs, which she left "to hide that horrible scar." Dudley had laughed himself silly at Harry, who spent a sleepless night imagining school the next day, where he was already laughed at for his baggy clothes and taped glasses. Next morning, however, he had gotten up to find his hair exactly as it had been before Aunt Petunia had sheared it off.**

"Potter hair does not enjoy being cut," James said.

**He had been given a week in his cupboard for this, even though he had tried to explain that he couldn't explain how it had grown back so quickly. **

"Magic!" James said.

"Hair-growth shampoo!" Sirius argued.

"Muggle shampoo doesn't work overnight!"

"He'd been planning ahead!"

**  
Another time, Aunt Petunia had been trying to force him into a revolting old sweater of Dudley's (brown with orange puff balls). The harder she tried to pull it over his head, the smaller it seemed to become, until finally it might have fitted a hand puppet, but certainly wouldn't fit Harry.**

"Magic!"

"Shrank in the wash!"

**Aunt Petunia had decided it must have shrunk in the wash **

"Hah!"

"Magic!"

**and, to his great relief, Harry wasn't punished. **

**On the other hand, he'd gotten into terrible trouble for being found on the roof of the school kitchens. Dudley's gang had been chasing him as usual when, as much to Harry's surprise as anyone else's, there he was sitting on the chimney.**

"...Okay, I can't deny that one," Sirius said with a shrug.

"He Apparated when he was only ten!" James said in awe.

"James, our son is brilliant!" Lily squealed.

**The Dursley's had received a very angry letter from Harry's headmistress telling them Harry had been climbing school buildings. But all he'd tried to do (as he shouted at Uncle Vernon through the locked door of his cupboard) was jump behind the big trash cans outside the kitchen doors. Harry supposed that the wind must have caught him in mid-jump. **

"Or he Apparated," James said, eyes widened. "How the hell did he Apparate without knowing how?"

Remus put on a prim voice. "The three D's, James... dunderhead, dense, and dull."

"Those aren't the three D's!" Lily snapped as James attempted to get to Remus under the bed to hit him. "It's destination, deter--"

"Lily..." Remus said, voice pained. "Please, for your own safety, I would advise you to stop, before Padfoot blows a gasket."

**But today, nothing was going to go wrong. It was even worth being with Dudley and Piers to be spending the day somewhere that wasn't school, his cupboard, or Mrs. Figg's cabbage-smelling living room. **

**While he drove, Uncle Vernon complained to Aunt Petunia. He liked to complain about things: people at work, Harry, the council, Harry, the bank, and Harry were just a few of his favorite subjects.**

"He forgot Harry," Sirius said.

**This morning, it was motorcycles.**

"I love motorcycles," Sirius said.**  
**

"**...roaring along like maniacs, the young hoodlums," he said, as a motorcycle overtook them. **

"**I had a dream about a motorcycle," said Harry, remembering suddenly. "It was flying."**.

**Uncle Vernon nearly crashed into the car in front. He turned right around in his seat and yelled at Harry, his face like a gigantic beet with a mustache: "MOTORCYCLES DON'T FLY!" **

"Mine does!" Sirius argued.

**Dudley and Piers sniggered. **

"**I know they don't," said Harry.**

"Mine does!!!"

"**It was only a dream." **

**But he wished he hadn't said anything. If there was one thing the Dursleys hated even more than his asking questions, it was his talking about anything acting in a way it shouldn't, no matter it was a dream or even a cartoon –– they seemed to think he might get dangerous ideas. **

"Moony," Sirius said, a solemn look on his face. "I've had a very dangerous idea. You may tell no one."

Remus raised an eyebrow.

"What if..." Here Sirius lowered his voice. "..._motorcycles could fly_?"

Remus gave a gasp of false horror. "No! Anything but that! Forgetting that people could get to their destinations much quicker while having a wonderful view of the landscape below them, you could potentially cause many people to drop dead!"

**It was a very sunny Saturday and the zoo was crowded with families. The Dursleys bought Dudley and Piers large chocolate ice creams at the entrance and then, because the smiling lady in the van had asked Harry what he wanted before they could hurry him away, they bought him a cheap lemon ice pop. It wasn't bad, either, Harry thought, licking it as they watched a gorilla scratching its head who looked remarkably like Dudley, except that it wasn't blond. **

James shook his head sadly. "It's much too bad this kid didn't grow up under my tutelage... he shows great promise."

**Harry had the best morning he'd had in a long time. He was careful to walk a little way apart from the Dursleys so that Dudley and Piers, who were starting to get bored with the animals by lunchtime, wouldn't fall back on their favorite hobby of hitting him. **

**When Dudley had a tantrum because his knickerbockers glory didn't have enough ice cream on top, Uncle Vernon bought him another one and Harry was allowed to finish the first. **

**Harry felt, afterward, that he should have known it was all too good to last.**

"Uh-oh," Lily said, alarmed. "He really _is _going to potentially cause many people to drop dead!"

Yet again, Remus smacked himself in the forehead. He was beginning to become bruised.

**After lunch they went to the reptile house.**

"The Dursleys must feel right at home," Remus said with distaste.

**It was cool and dark in there, with lit windows all along the walls. Behind the glass, all sorts of lizards and snakes were crawling and slithering over bits of wood and stone. Dudley and Piers wanted to see huge, poisonous cobras and thick, man-crushing pythons. Dudley quickly found the largest snake in the place. It could have wrapped its body twice around Uncle Vernon's car and crushed it into a can **

James and Sirius would have exchanged evil looks, but Sirius was squished underneath James' bed, so they didn't.

**but at the moment it didn't look in the mood. In fact, it was fast asleep. **

"Smart snake," Lily said dryly.

**Dudley stood with his nose pressed against the glass, staring at the glistening brown coils. **

"'My window is not a tissue, young man,'" Sirius said primly, voicing the part of the snake. "Kindly remove your hideous appendage from my sight."

"**Make it move," he whined at his father. Uncle Vernon tapped on the glass, but the snake didn't budge. **

"Yes," Lily said, sarcastic, "because a snake is _really_ going to do what you want when you're smashing your face against the window and tapping on it while it's sleeping."

"**Do it again," Dudley ordered. Uncle Vernon rapped the glass smartly with his knuckles, but the snake just snoozed on. **

"Smart snake," Remus said, echoing Lily.

**  
"This is boring," Dudley moaned. He shuffled away. **

"I think the snake thinks the same, Dudders," James said.

**Harry moved in front of the tank and looked intently at the snake. He wouldn't have been surprised if it had died of boredom itself –– no company except stupid people drumming their fingers on the glass trying to disturb it all day long. It was worse than having a cupboard as a bedroom, where the only visitor was Aunt Petunia hammering on the door to wake you up; at least he got to visit the rest of the house. **

**The snake suddenly opened its beady eyes. Slowly, very slowly, it raised its head until its eyes were on a level with Harry's. **

_**It winked. **_

Lily's jaw dropped. "Snakes don't have eyelids!" she protested. "How could it _wink_?"

"Maybe it's related to the basilisk," Sirius suggested. "Those have eyelids, right?"

"How would a magical creature have ended up in a zoo?" Remus demanded.

"I don't know, but Harry had better get out of there," Sirius responded. "After all, Squibs have a hard time when it comes to using defensive magic... LILY!!! TELL YOUR BOYFRIEND I'M SORRY AND HE SHOULD GET HIS WAND OUT OF MY FACE BEFORE HE PUTS AN EYE OUT, I.E. _MY _EYE!!!!"

**Harry stared. Then he looked quickly around to see if anyone was watching. They weren't. He looked back at the snake and winked, too. **

"**I know," Harry murmured through the glass, though he wasn't sure the snake could hear him. "It must be really annoying." **

"Is he..." James said, uncertain, "_talking_ to the snake?"

**The snake nodded vigorously. **

"He _is_!!" James yelped. "Good Merlin! My son's a Parselmouth!"

Lily hit him. "_Our_ son."

Sirius shrugged. "He and Moony will make good friends! Two Dark associations when neither of them are actually Dark! It could be a sitcom: _The Werewolf and the Parselmouth_!"

Remus kicked him.

Sirius winced. "...Too soon?"

**  
"Where do you come from, anyway" Harry asked. **

**The snake jabbed its tail at a little sign next to the glass. Harry peered at it.  
**

**Boa Constrictor, Brazil. **

"**Was it nice there?" **

**The boa constrictor jabbed its tail at the sign again and Harry read on: This specimen was bred in the zoo. "Oh, I see –– so you've never been to Brazil?" **

"Okay, even I admit," James said, "does Harry _really_ have to ask?"

**As the snake shook its head, a deafening shout behind Harry made both of them jump. "DUDLEY! MR. DURSLEY! COME AND LOOK AT THIS SNAKE! YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT IT'S DOING!" **

**Dudley came waddling toward them as fast as he could. **

Sirius, picturing this, snorted.

"**Out of the way, you," he said, punching Harry in the ribs. Caught by surprise, Harry fell hard on the concrete floor. What came next happened so fast no one saw how it happened –– on second Piers and Dudley were leaning right up close to the glass, the next, they had leapt back with howls of horror. **

"Ooooh, what did he do?!?" Sirius and James chorused with excitement, James craning his neck to read over Lily's shoulder (Lily, who did not like this, slapped him away).

**Harry sat up and gasped; the glass front of the boa constrictor's tank had vanished. The great snake was uncoiling itself rapidly, slithering out onto the floor. People throughout the reptile house screamed and started running for the exits. **

Once again, James and Sirius tried and failed to exchange evil grins. Instead, they settled for silently agreeing they would _have_ to pull a stunt like that at some point.

**As the snake slid swiftly past him, Harry could have sworn a low, hissing voice said, "Brazil, here I come... Thanksss, amigo." **

"Dos amigos,'" Sirius said in a deep, official voice. "The Parselmouth and the Werewolf take a trip to Brazil! What wonders will they encounter? Will Harry experience love? Will Moony--' OKAY, OKAY, I GET THE POINT! JUST DON'T KICK ME THERE!!!"

**The keeper of the reptile house was in shock. "But the glass," he kept saying, "where did the glass go?" **

"Up your butt," Sirius said, and burst into laughter. Remus rolled his eyes.

"Padfoot, are you _really_ seventeen?"

**The zoo director himself made Aunt Petunia a cup of strong, sweet tea while he apologized over and over again. Piers and Dudley could only gibber. As far as Harry had seen, the snake hadn't done anything except snap playfully at their heels as it passed, but by the time they were all back in Uncle Vernon's car, Dudley was telling them how it had nearly bitten off his leg, while Piers was swearing it had tried to squeeze him to death. **

"Harry!" James said. "Call that snake back and have him actually _act_ on it, if they want it that badly!"

**But**

"But you can't start a sentence with 'but!'" Lily exclaimed, indignant.

"But you just did!" James retorted.

**worst of all, for Harry at least, was Piers calming down enough to say, "Harry was talking to it, weren't you, Harry?" **

"Of course he was," Lily said. "And he even defied the impossible and had a snake _wink_ at him!"

**Uncle Vernon waited until Piers was safely out of the house before starting on Harry. He was so angry he could hardly speak. He managed to say, "Go –– cupboard –– stay –– no meals,"**

"'I big man, I strong,'" Sirius added, nodding. "Man no need brain."

**before he collapsed into a chair, and Aunt Petunia had to run and get him a large brandy.**

"Get me one, too, while you're at it!" Sirius chirped.

**  
Harry lay in his dark cupboard much later, wishing he had a watch. He didn't know what time it was and he couldn't be sure the Dursleys were asleep yet. Until they were, he couldn't risk sneaking to the kitchen for some food. **

**He couldn't remember being in the car when his parents had died.**

"Because you _weren't_ in a car," all five people in the room said at once.

**Sometimes, when he strained his memory during long hours in his cupboard, he came up with a strange vision: a blinding flash of green light and a burning pain on his forehead. This, he supposed, was the crash,**

"That doesn't exist," James interjected angrily. Lily patted him on the back.

**though he couldn't imagine where all the green light came from. **

"Traffic lights," Sirius said.

"'Traffic lights'?" Remus repeated, raising an eyebrow.

Sirius nodded. "Traffic lights."

**He couldn't remember his parents at all. His aunt and uncle never spoke about them, and of course he was forbidden to ask questions. There were no photographs of them in the house.**

Lily's eyes began to tear up.

"Don't worry, Lily," James said, comforting. "We'll make sure Harry always has a photo of us stuffed down his clothes when he's born so the Dursleys can't take it away."

Lily wrinkled her nose. "Ew. No."

**  
When he had been younger, Harry had dreamed and dreamed of some unknown relation coming to take him away,**

"Enter Padfoot!" Sirius proclaimed.

**but it had never happened;**

Sirius sighed, dejected. Remus patted his shoulder.

"Being a failure's not _that_ bad, Padfoot."

**the Dursleys were his only family. Yet sometimes he thought (or maybe hoped) that strangers in the street seemed to know him. Very strange strangers they were, too. A tiny man in a violet top hat had bowed to him once while out shopping with Aunt Petunia and Dudley. After asking Harry furiously if he knew the man, Aunt Petunia had rushed them out of the shop without buying anything. A wild-looking old woman dressed all in green had waved merrily at him once on a bus. A bald man in a very long purple coat had actually shaken his hand in the street the other day and then walked away without a word. The weirdest thing about all these people was the way they seemed to vanish the second Harry tried to get a closer look. **

**At school, Harry had no one. Everybody knew that Dudley's gang hated that odd Harry Potter in his baggy old clothes and broken glasses, and nobody like to disagree with Dudley's gang.**

Lily closed the book and said, "And that's the end of chapter two."

"Lily?" James asked as Remus, Peter, and Sirius crawled out from under the bed. "Can I kill your sister?"

Lily shook her head. "As much as I'd like to say yes..." she said, "I think Sirius would make it more entertaining."

Sirius grinned, a manic light in his eyes. "You got that right," he said.

"I _hate_ that we're not around for our son!" James burst out. Lily hugged him.

"I know, honey. I hate it, too."

"Well, he'd better hurry up and get his letter," James said. "_And don't you say anything, Black!_"

Sirius quickly shut his mouth.

"I'm hungry," Peter said, tentative. "Is it dinnertime yet?"

"If you want it to be," James said with a shrug. "All right, then, we'll continue after dinner. Harry'd better get out of that house within a chapter, or else!"

* * *


	3. UPDATE

Hey all, Yan Niao here.

I apologize for the huge wait (and for the disappointment that may have arisen from those who found out this wasn't a new chapter!). I really hate to do this, but I have to let this story drop. The new guidelines say that we're not allowed to have stories here with text inserted between an already-published work-- i.e., this story. I'm going to leave the last two chapters up, but unfortunately there won't be any more updated. I'm really, really sorry!


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